Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!

It's Raya again and I am emotional again. Maybe I'm emotional for the past two days because it's Raya, and until now, I don't know why on earth I should be emotional in this festive holiday. Maybe because it is the time when every good thing might have their own chance again to restart again, when they have ended long ago. Yes, Ramadhan is as  equally blessed, but usually the redemption is only between the self and God. And God is forgiving, Ever-Forgiving. But, in Raya, it is always associated with the tradition to right the wrong between people, between friends, between family, and between everyone else. And I'm not so sure that humans are as forgiving as God Himself.

So, anyone who reads this, please take your time to forgive others. I do not ask for you to forget, because for me, forgetting is your full right, but forgiveness is the wrongdoer's full right to have. I am also reminding myself, because I am one to talk. I sometimes have a lot to ragingly keep inside, grudges and all, but let's try together. Just hope that when you can forgive people, that people can forgive you for your own bad deeds.

Please forgive me... Zahir and batin...

The Big V

I was just appalled to the extent of needing to write this entry, after I saw many young people (doesn't make me old though) just somehow 'hate' virginity. For them, virginity is a source of humiliation, inexperience, shame, and illiteracy. Losing the big 'V,' according to them, is something that's highly valuable for them.

I get it, I was once a teenager too. When a peak of hormones production just kick your conscientiousness, you have got nothing in mind other than experimenting. It's worsened by the fact that now the world is going toward 'less-cloth' era, where beauty is in the eye of the naked beholder. We are blitzed with the images and representations of people with countable strings of threads on their body. We have got nowhere to spend the surplus of hormones to, which could be very very manageable, if we are educated with it.

You see, for those of you who're still a virgin, appreciate it. Value it. Feel it and believe that it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, that being a virgin is the best thing that's ever happened to you. I'm grateful that it's not too late to me too. I'm grateful that I still got the chance to choose someone special whom I love to lose the big 'V.'

With all these STD's, HIV, and other unmerciful diseases that just cling on human's system once they got in, you got enough reason to keep it timely and right. The diseases are not just the problems, it's how people see us, how the family would see us. How the people we love see us. Do you think it's ever going to be the same like before?

Remember, do not rush, do not hate it. You're lucky you're still a virgin. I know I feel lucky.

My Friend is Going to Japan

Finally, all this emotion-wrecking process of application, rejection, false hopes, genuine hopes, hearts-to-hearts, insecurity, faith, he is finally accepted. One of my friends will finally depart to Japan for his postgraduate studies and it is his dream. Come to think about it, how nice is it when your dreams just materialize before your eyes? It must feel wonderful.

Several months before today, we (me and my friend) both keep expressing our ambition to further our studies in our respective dream country. He'd say that he dreamt of going to Japan and I replied that I really wanted to go to Turkey. We both got the chance, we both had the opportunity. But isn't it funny that only one stood a chance to see the chance turning into real event?

This entry is just me trying to express my feelings of how unfair this life could be. But then, there must be a reason, a flaming wisdom why I need to stay in here, studying something that I'm not really passionate at. Maybe time will tell.

By the way, to the friend in question, you know how happy I am for you. Please be successful in your studies there. Dreams are hard to achieve and obviously you deserve this. Congratulations and please keep in contact...

Courage...

I remember this one piece of serenity prayer that says,

"God, give me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

You see, courage is a big deal. I am prompted to write about this after I saw one small child, when I was about to perform my tarawih for the night, who wander around in the mosque just to shake people's hands and swab a little perfume onto it. He'd do it to almost everyone in the mosque, thinking that what he did might make a difference, to make people smell good.

Well, he did. He did make a difference, people seemed to be happy looking at him. He actually brought up good vibe around the mosque. He had the courage to make a difference, he had the courage to swab perfume onto people's hands.

So, a little reminder to both of you and I, do not ever occupy yourself on the issue of amount, just do it. Donate 50cents or treat your friends a nice meal in the iftar. Anything. You can always start with a small step. Then you'll be ready to make a big difference insyaAllah. Ameen...

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is coming again. Mixed feelings are felt. Of course there is excitement, because this is the one month we can be cleansed away from the unwanted, physically and spiritually. And there is nervousness, especially when this time of year, I am furthering for my masters, doing all the difficult assignments and all, can I be up for the challenge? There is also a sense of repentance, the feeling like we want to stop it all, the things that bring us lower in slave status in His eyes.

My father, as usual, says the advice again, "it only comes once a year, so take advantage of it, make a full use of it." It's an obvious advice, really, but how many of us actually take it by heart? Come to think about it, it's true, Ramadhan only comes once a year, and yet people still manage to take it for granted, most probably because the blessings and advantages of this month are intangible. We mostly spend the nights at mamak, rather than take half an hour to perform the tarawih, at least. We prefer to feed the desire of the mouth, rather than just keep on starving for only 12 hours. We continue to gossip and backbite, rather than take a time to stop and enjoy the silence.

It's a reminder for you and me, mostly me. I hope that this Ramadhan, it will witness the better us, a better slave, son, friend and student. Take advantage of it, you know you understand this.

Peter Pan's Also Growing Up

When we talk about development, sometimes we talk about either the development in us is either abrupt or subtle. We can notice what we have been experiencing, like the growth of mustache, maturity on voice, or most clearly, puberty. And some other aspects of development, we just have to take a while, in order to realize that we're experiencing them.

One of them is wisdom. Wisdom is considered as one of the liquid development of human beings, liquid as in it's constantly changing and developing, upwardly or downwardly. Your whole life you may find yourself being like a complete idiot, not knowing what's best for you and others, making the wrong decisions, and saying the terrible things to others.

I believed that I am a late bloomer, or worse, what they call Peter Pan Syndrome when an adult is stuck inside, waiting for us to just have the guts to get a hoe and dig all that sands that blocks our development. It takes years for me to just head out and feel like an adult. Well, it takes enrolling in a Masters program for to feel like an adult! But all this while, I never felt that wisdom has been liquidizing in my mind (lame!) and no, seriously, I just find myself growing up, wisdom-wise.

My point is, you're an intelligent being, I believe every individual is an intelligent being. When you're experiencing your experience, your mind records what happens and if mistakes happen, your mind will unconsciously record them and teach you that the mistakes aren't supposed to be repeated. You just let the nature takes its course, and don't feel bad because if you think Peter Pan's not growing up, think again. He also learns from his experience.

Six Degrees

Stanley Milgram, the psychologist who did the obedience experiment, who shocked the world by finding that people's readiness to kill others due to authority is higher than expected, also conducted an experiment that everyone in this world is connected to each other via at least other six individuals. He named his theory Small World Phenomenon. To make it simple, you want to connect a certain Fredo Prego (names are totally fictional) and you might know Ali who knows Fatimah, who knows George, who knows Derek, who knows Stephanie, who knows Crystal, who finally, knows Fredo Prego. So, it means there are a distance of 6 persons between you and Fredo Prego.

To detail it out, you might know Ali who studies in the same college with you, Ali knows Fatimah who is his sister, Fatimah knows George who is Fatimah's friend when she was an exchange student at the US, George knows Derek, who is his childhood friend, Derek knows Stephanie who works at a certain publishing company, Stephanie knows Crystal, who is her husband's sister, and finally Crystal knows Fredo Prego who is Crystal's boss in her workplace.

Look at this map...

The implication of this is how small the world is, and if you pay a deal of concentration and effort, you can actually get connected to almost anyone in this world. Do the experiment yourself. If you have a facebook, try to find any name that is quite alien in your life. Try to click on one of his or her friends, then one of the friends of his or her friends, chances are you might just stumble upon a person who you actually know. Try it several times and see what the average number of people who connect you and the person in the beginning point.

No Youtube!

I guess this is why it is an APEX university...

This is 'it' trying to load...

...and this is 'it' finally just couldn't...

There goes my internet life...

Adulthood

I've settled down and now I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm staying and studying in USM. Although the impression that I'd like to give was my decision was the right one, but I couldn't help but to feel scared, fearful about this whole thing. Really scared. The first moment I set my foot on USM, I already felt like things were going to be hard. Taking the course I'm not interested in, being in an unfamiliar place and blending in quite a remote environment, I never thought I'd end, even eventually, being an adult.

Finally, it took my mother's call to make me realize what I should be feeling instead of fear. My mother told me how she kept thinking about me and finally one of her own children actually moved out of the house, of the place, of the "safety zone," in a sense that shows I'm achieving something. She couldn't be prouder, and you know what, I shouldn't be too. It takes gut, as Wilhelmina said to Betty when the latter decided to quit her job at Mode, to do that. It takes gut to move out, live independently and start your journey as a full-time adult, not leeching off your parents.

So, from now on, I not just have to to train myself to be good in the field of Social Work, I also have to work very hard to succeed as an adult, because well, I'm an adult now.

USM

Just want to say, USM is much better than I initially thought. The people here are very friendly and they are helpful. My classes will start on Monday next week which is on 12th  July. It's going to be a subject I'm not really interested in but who knows what's going to happen in the future. I'll try my best and I really hope you readers will take some time to pray for my success in this place.

Oh, by the way, I'm residing in a one-person room so I am very so happy! Since when I was studying in IIUM, I had been dreaming to stay alone, because it's much easier. And now it feels so calm and relaxed. Hope it stays this way.

That's it my random thought for today. :)