Friendship Is NOT Given, It Is Earned

What is friendship? It is a non-sexual relationship, can be deep or superficial, shared by two people who find that there is something that connects them together. Friends can be someone who shares the same workplace and knows you, or someone who is in the same study group with you, or your neighbor who knows your routine. Someone who you meet at the bakery several times and exchange smiles.


No, that's not my version of friendship. That is NOT my definition of friendship. Friendship never is without being deep. Someone who bumps into you at the workplace, someone who happens to live next door, or even someone who has a conversation with you, that is not a friendship. That may be an acquaintance. That may be someone, just someone.


If there's anything I learn these past few days, it is that friendship is not something that you find on the street and wear on your necklace, or something your mother gives you and you use it to buy something at the shop, or something you borrow from another person and then you give it back when you don't need it. 

Friendship is earned.

You can't just be someone's friend and expect to be close to that person. You have to earn to be close to him, or her. It's so much work, it's so much and you might get tired but at the end, it's worth it. You have to work for it. You have to show and give your effort. And you might or might not get the friendship but it's the way it is. According to Karbo (2006), for acquaintanceship to transition to friendship, it should be based on reciprocity, and understanding of give-and-take of intimacy. But what's most important is that the two friends can relate with each other, meaning to say that they share, or understand the same social identity.


And any of you who are reading this, please take a moment to pray for me so this one friendship I have with this one person (you can refer to him as AM in your prayer) will be taken care of by Allah. 


Reference:


Karbo, K. (2006). Friendship: The laws of attraction. Extracted from Psychology Today: Relationships Blog at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200611/friendship-the-laws-attraction?page=2

It's a Shame

Somehow, OneRepublic's It's a Shame is very much describing what I am going through now. You see, I applied for Turkish scholarship and though has been reassured acceptance by the authority, I still can't bear the waiting, unemployment sucked. I tried to get to the scholarship, but unfortunately the authority itself didn't know when the result would be released, but he assumed it to be in August.

"Now I tried to get to you
Pushing in vain to break me through
And I tried with all I had
You left me standing empty-handed
Well time has past nothing ever lasts"

Yesterday, the authority called me and told me I am accepted to further my studies in Turkey under the scholarship by the Turkish government. I don't know whether to call it a good news or bad news, since now I have signed a contract with my government, and I can't back out now. Even if I am accepted, the circumstance is not the same anymore.

"So now you confess that you need me

And now you release what you're feeling
But how is this suppose to ever be the same

Oh it's a shame
It's a shame"

Wow, this is more reason why OneRepublic is the best! And, oh, the circumstance is not good now, I have to choose between the two, maybe thinking of a compromise. I don't know.

Listen to the song:

Do You Enjoy or Suffer Being Infatuated?

In an entry in Psychology Today blogroll, infatuation is defined as "idealization of the new love, often followed by deflation and feelings of loss. Intense longing and yearning - especially when the person is unattainable or elusive." (para. 4).


But the same author also asserted that infatuation is a normal developmental process of a teenager, though people in their older age can experience infatuation every now and then. In another writing I can't remember where the source is, infatuation should be enjoyed, rather than seen as a suffering.

Well, this is my experience and feelings every time I am attacked by one of these infatuation monsters. I know that the people I'm infatuated with are unattainable, so it only gives depression rather than the high feeling as if you're on drugs. Well, I feel aroused and high some of the times, except that whenever the thought that I won't get the person pops up in mind, I become so tired and moody, and depressed of course. 


I want reassurance by the person and my life is more likely revolving around the person where changes might happen. The person is in my mind 24/7 and I am in a 'great' dilemma whether or not just say 'hi' in a message or just call or just do nothing. I have to force my life to do other activities in order to put that person to the back of mind, which is only working if I'm interested in the activities, or otherwise it'll only become a case of Pink Elephant Effect.


So, now you judge, whether being infatuated is an enjoyment, or well, a suffering. It's the latter obviously to me...


Source:


LaBier, D. (2010). Why your love life is a version of adolescent romance. Retrieved from Psychology Today: The New Resilience from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-resilience/201004/why-your-love-life-is-version-adolescent-romance

There's Always a Different Side of a Coin

You can't always get what you want. It's what they say. It is implied that when you pray and wish for something but end up craving even more of it, there's a good chance that your wish is replaced by something that's even more important than you.

I can't tell the whole story of why this entry is inspired in the first place but my exact point is that there is always a different side of a coin. When you haven't got something you want, you might actually get it, but you just have to flip the coin's another side to your looking and there is a good chance that it is that what you have got. You see what we wish isn't always exactly granted in the exact manner, though I believe it is very very frequently granted.

For example, you wish for a lover, then you meet a wonderful person. He or she does not end up being your lover, but your best friend. You still get what you want, but it is only visible at the other side of the coin. It means you have to think harder what God actually wants you to want. Maybe in this case example, you should not get a lover, at least for the time being, you need someone to be your friend first, so here comes the wonderful person.

I don't know if I make sense, but it is what I learn yesterday and I hope what I'm trying to preach here, I can practice. In the meantime, enjoy this song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want..."

Forgiveness

Err...! OMG! Wow! Phew! *Sigh.......

Those were what I felt throughout this dramatic first day of Raya. You see, when you have not been talking to someone for more than you are supposed to, or not, initiating the relationship back to where it was can be tricky, and a lot of things can happen, things that are out of expectations that is.

It's been a long fight, an incessantly prolonged conflict, one that now I am asking myself why I stopped talking to her in the first place. Bottom line is that this fight has been more and more pointless. You see, we're not perfect but we have been more than persistent to expect people, especially the significant ones, to be, perfect. We keep blaming each other, trying to prove to the other one. Until at one destructive point when you could go to the extent that you try to persuade others to feel like you about that person. You hate to see the face 'til your feeling about it is rampant and extended to every other thing about the person.

All of those, and you already forget what you're been blaming each other for, what you're hating the person for, why you're not talking to person anymore... You just forget, proving the point that whatever reason you were angry about can be solvable at that right moment when you picked that fight with that person, or when the person did with you. The conflict is just so small but it is your ego that magnified it 'til it could burst a flame.

Can you see my point?

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir dan Batin... again...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!

It's Raya again and I am emotional again. Maybe I'm emotional for the past two days because it's Raya, and until now, I don't know why on earth I should be emotional in this festive holiday. Maybe because it is the time when every good thing might have their own chance again to restart again, when they have ended long ago. Yes, Ramadhan is as  equally blessed, but usually the redemption is only between the self and God. And God is forgiving, Ever-Forgiving. But, in Raya, it is always associated with the tradition to right the wrong between people, between friends, between family, and between everyone else. And I'm not so sure that humans are as forgiving as God Himself.

So, anyone who reads this, please take your time to forgive others. I do not ask for you to forget, because for me, forgetting is your full right, but forgiveness is the wrongdoer's full right to have. I am also reminding myself, because I am one to talk. I sometimes have a lot to ragingly keep inside, grudges and all, but let's try together. Just hope that when you can forgive people, that people can forgive you for your own bad deeds.

Please forgive me... Zahir and batin...

The Big V

I was just appalled to the extent of needing to write this entry, after I saw many young people (doesn't make me old though) just somehow 'hate' virginity. For them, virginity is a source of humiliation, inexperience, shame, and illiteracy. Losing the big 'V,' according to them, is something that's highly valuable for them.

I get it, I was once a teenager too. When a peak of hormones production just kick your conscientiousness, you have got nothing in mind other than experimenting. It's worsened by the fact that now the world is going toward 'less-cloth' era, where beauty is in the eye of the naked beholder. We are blitzed with the images and representations of people with countable strings of threads on their body. We have got nowhere to spend the surplus of hormones to, which could be very very manageable, if we are educated with it.

You see, for those of you who're still a virgin, appreciate it. Value it. Feel it and believe that it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, that being a virgin is the best thing that's ever happened to you. I'm grateful that it's not too late to me too. I'm grateful that I still got the chance to choose someone special whom I love to lose the big 'V.'

With all these STD's, HIV, and other unmerciful diseases that just cling on human's system once they got in, you got enough reason to keep it timely and right. The diseases are not just the problems, it's how people see us, how the family would see us. How the people we love see us. Do you think it's ever going to be the same like before?

Remember, do not rush, do not hate it. You're lucky you're still a virgin. I know I feel lucky.

My Friend is Going to Japan

Finally, all this emotion-wrecking process of application, rejection, false hopes, genuine hopes, hearts-to-hearts, insecurity, faith, he is finally accepted. One of my friends will finally depart to Japan for his postgraduate studies and it is his dream. Come to think about it, how nice is it when your dreams just materialize before your eyes? It must feel wonderful.

Several months before today, we (me and my friend) both keep expressing our ambition to further our studies in our respective dream country. He'd say that he dreamt of going to Japan and I replied that I really wanted to go to Turkey. We both got the chance, we both had the opportunity. But isn't it funny that only one stood a chance to see the chance turning into real event?

This entry is just me trying to express my feelings of how unfair this life could be. But then, there must be a reason, a flaming wisdom why I need to stay in here, studying something that I'm not really passionate at. Maybe time will tell.

By the way, to the friend in question, you know how happy I am for you. Please be successful in your studies there. Dreams are hard to achieve and obviously you deserve this. Congratulations and please keep in contact...

Courage...

I remember this one piece of serenity prayer that says,

"God, give me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

You see, courage is a big deal. I am prompted to write about this after I saw one small child, when I was about to perform my tarawih for the night, who wander around in the mosque just to shake people's hands and swab a little perfume onto it. He'd do it to almost everyone in the mosque, thinking that what he did might make a difference, to make people smell good.

Well, he did. He did make a difference, people seemed to be happy looking at him. He actually brought up good vibe around the mosque. He had the courage to make a difference, he had the courage to swab perfume onto people's hands.

So, a little reminder to both of you and I, do not ever occupy yourself on the issue of amount, just do it. Donate 50cents or treat your friends a nice meal in the iftar. Anything. You can always start with a small step. Then you'll be ready to make a big difference insyaAllah. Ameen...

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is coming again. Mixed feelings are felt. Of course there is excitement, because this is the one month we can be cleansed away from the unwanted, physically and spiritually. And there is nervousness, especially when this time of year, I am furthering for my masters, doing all the difficult assignments and all, can I be up for the challenge? There is also a sense of repentance, the feeling like we want to stop it all, the things that bring us lower in slave status in His eyes.

My father, as usual, says the advice again, "it only comes once a year, so take advantage of it, make a full use of it." It's an obvious advice, really, but how many of us actually take it by heart? Come to think about it, it's true, Ramadhan only comes once a year, and yet people still manage to take it for granted, most probably because the blessings and advantages of this month are intangible. We mostly spend the nights at mamak, rather than take half an hour to perform the tarawih, at least. We prefer to feed the desire of the mouth, rather than just keep on starving for only 12 hours. We continue to gossip and backbite, rather than take a time to stop and enjoy the silence.

It's a reminder for you and me, mostly me. I hope that this Ramadhan, it will witness the better us, a better slave, son, friend and student. Take advantage of it, you know you understand this.