Are Shy People Lazy?

In the world, when talking about shyness, the psychologists have these terms that describe the degree of outgoing-ness that people have - extraversion or introversion. Basically extroverts become very active and energetic when it comes to being around people, while the introverts are fine with being alone. You see, introverts are not always shy people, psychologists have always attempted to distinguish the two (Cheek & Buss, 1981; Eisenberg, Fabes, & Murphy, 1995). Basically, their assertion is that introversion is lacking of interest in socializing and shyness is being fearful to it (Dembling, 2009).

But you see, of all kinds of people, the shy ones always face problems with getting into a relationship. Many testimonials from Carducci's (2000) survey revealed that shy people got married mostly because the other spouse picked them, or they just simply feel superior with other people, a way to rationalize their own shyness. Ninety percent of the respondents also said that shy people employed some strategies to overcome their shyness, but unfortunately those strategies are ineffective, mostly because when they try to socialize (or called as forced extraversion), they expected people to do the rest for them.

So, based on these findings, can I say that shy people do not put hard enough efforts to get into relationships? Why is it that they have to be picked, or people have to do the approaching and introducing for them? While, other people of other kinds of traits are busy starting a conversation, or being laughed at for lame jokes, or finding the politest way to ask for numbers, the shy people just stand there waiting for people to come to them and say "hi!". My exact point is that, they should stop making shyness as an excuse for their own being alone, or worse off, lonely.

Well, I'm called to write this because I'm shy myself and I always wonder why is it so hard for me to be in a relationship - superficial or deep - with others? I am struck when learned that yes, I never did hard enough to make sure that people can actually at least notice my presence. I'm waiting at a corner, hoping people's paths will cross mine and everything will start out magically...

So, shy people, act!

Reference:

Carducci, B. (2000). Shyness: The new solution. Psychology Today. Retrived on February 08, 2010, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200001/shyness-the-new-solution?page=1

Cheek, J. M. & Buss, A. H. (1981). Shyness and sociability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 41, 330-339.

Dembling, S. (2009). Introversion vs. shyness: The discussion continues. Psychology Today. Retrived on February 08, 2010, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200910/introversion-vs-shyness-the-discussion-continues

Eisenber, N., Fabes, R. A., & Murphy, B. C. (1995). Relations of shyness and low sociability to regulation and emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 505-517.