It may be a dream afraid of waking up, or it may be a dream coming to realization in the next morning.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Roads Less Traveled (A.K.A. I'm Taking the Safe Road)

First, it started out as hopes, and who doesn't like hopes? Everybody likes hopes. Hopes give warmth and comfort, and they make us want to see the next day, because well, the hopes might come true.

Then there were challenges. Growing up, we were all taught that winds make a strong tree, or what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, or any other claptraps that just intend to make us a risk-taking person. Challenges are supposed to make a person to be braver and stronger.

Then there was a time we fell down. As usual, everybody keeps saying the obvious, that we should get up and continue with the journey. The destination is just around the corner.

Then there were times when it was very dark and the only choice to go is the safe road. But, everybody keeps saying, repeating what's been repeated, we should take risk. Take risk! So, I decided to go through the darkness.

Then, it's the destination. After the bumps on the road, falling down, blinded by unlightedness, I reached to the destination. It turned out to be nothing but a dead end.

Finally, I had to go back, to the point where I had to choose between the risky road and the safe road. After all, the safe road is the better road after all. Except, it took time to go back to the beginning and in the process, I might die eaten by the wild bats, because I had used up all the resources.

Gratefully, I reached, and I had a little injury because of bats' bites. I'm healing and now I'm taking the safe road.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Powerful Me

People have been always asking, if you can have one super ability, what would you choose? There are a variety of cool superpowers to choose from - namely telekinesis, telepathy, levitation, time-space manipulation, and a lot more. And for me, my answer would be premonition. Imagine Nicolas Cage who can see 2 minutes in advance prior to the present in Next, or Phoebe Halliwell in Charmed, or Cordelia Chase in Angel; Aren't they awesome?!

Disclaimer: this post is strictly fantasy- and imagination-oriented.

Let's say you have the ability to know the future, wouldn't it be easier to just figure almost anything? Wouldn't it be even much easier to avoid making a screwed-up and twisted mistakes and choices in the future? Currently, I am in a dilemma of whether choosing a scholarship that offers furthering studies in Turkey with an allowance every month that can only cover a tenth of my tummy space and another scholarship that has a very nice monthly $$$. But of course it's never perfect. The scarily low scholarship would allow me to do something related to what I've been dreaming of to do - Forensic Psychology and the one with a nice bump in allowance requires me to do Social Work.

This is when I really really really hope premonition can aid my decision making process. Will I survive at Turkey? Will I develop love for Social Work? Will a foreign language be a blockade in my success in a Masters studies? Will I ever finish my Masters if I do something I'm not interested in? Will I be able to find other revenues for my daily expenditure in Turkey? Will  I... Will I... Will I... There are a lot to ask and to answer. But then, I have to wait for 2 years to know them, to figure out what's best for me, and at that time, of course it's too late.

What do I do?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Drama Addicts Anonymous (DAA)

Surprisingly, there are a lot people than we thought, who have the idea that life isn't as exciting without drama and scenes. That's why we have this term, 'drama queen' or 'drama junkie' to describe the people who can't get 'turned on' by anything unless there is a fight, major scene, conflict, or anything that would fit as a criterion of drama.

Too bad, at one point of my life, I was a little bit like that. I don't know why, and I wasn't even aware of it, but I used to be a fan of the idea that friends are closer when they undergo conflicts, which now I know is very untrue. If you have heard the term Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, our inner belief can affect our outer world, which happens especially when we are not noticing that the effect is taking its place. My point related to self-fulling prophecy is that when you always expects conflicts in life (or when you subtly want conflicts), conflicts will happen, even when you're not asking for it, at least obviously.

If there's one thing I learn about conflicts, it is that they usually become true and end things. Friendships don't blossom on fights, relationships don't grow on fights, and even family ties can be broken by misunderstandings. When at first, we just want to have a little movie scene, where two people are in conflict, then at least one party will realize the truth or just got the hidayah to make amends, they make up and become closer. But, sadly, the making amend part can be skipped and the broken relation remains broken, and unfortunately, for the rest of your life.

I used to write about friendship - Life and Humans: Little Friendships - where it doesn't need big things to happen, because friendship is a million little things, it's a million little communications, exchange, and memories that are most likely little things. And I can't stress LITTLE enough.

This post is especially dedicated to this one person I really care deeply for. I am sorry for my behavior and I should stay with you in this time of stress.

I am sorry...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Beauty of Failure

Growing up, we always heard the idioms, phrases, and sayings that tell us how failures should mean to us. Failures, despite of the negativity the word brings and denotes, has some perks most of us fail (pun intended) to understand.

Many of the older people I met, among their favorite advice for the younger generation is that we do not repeat the mistakes of people of the past. Those mistakes were frowned upon, sure, but they serve as a way to tell us that doing a certain way can result in the failure in the first place. A post in Psychology Today has a very inspiring way to tell how to look at failure. It's not by changing the name, a failure is still a failure. Denying its concept will not help in any way, but embracing it as a part of your life (Rubin, 2010) and treating it as a platform for success (Barth, 2010).

I have been baking cheesecakes since ever. I will not deny that my first attempt of baking this expensive, delicate, and spoiled (as in manja) savory dessert was somehow disappointing. And being costly, my mother wouldn't want me to waste another sum of money spent on a spoilt (as in rosak) cake. Of course I would choose to listen, I mean just listen, but I knew if I took some risks and found what was wrong, I would figure out the correct way to make sure the next attempt would turn out good.

So, I took some amount of money, big enough to empty half of the space, and bought the ingredients for cheesecake. I tried to bake it again, this time with more careful 'obedience' on the baking instructions, the weight of each ingredient, and any other extraneous variable such as the heat of the oven and all. And you know what the turnout to be? It was awesome! I changed the flavor to orange and it tasted just like it is supposed to be. I think it can compete with Secret Recipe.

My point is, without wanting to accept failure, and without learning from it, success is very hard to come out to the surface. I can say, success is the son of failure.

Listen to this song (Bette Midler - The Rose), there is one part that says, the soul who is afraid to die, can never learn how to dance. Perfectly said.


Barth, F. D. (2010). Turning Failure into Success. Retrieved on June 9 2010 from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201005/turning-failure-success

Rubin, G. (2010). Enjoy the fun of failure. Retrieved on June 9 2010 from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-happiness-project/201006/enjoy-the-fun-failure