It may be a dream afraid of waking up, or it may be a dream coming to realization in the next morning.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Year of Marriage

2012 - It's the year where almost 70% of people I know closely in my life got married/are getting married/are getting engaged/got engaged. It's also the year in my life where the matter of marriage seems to be heavily featured. Almost 80% of the conversations I had with them involved something about getting married. If my life were a TV show, this season would be themed on marriage.

Any one of my friends who read this might have known already that my heart is set not to get married. Aslam, my best friend (who is also getting married in December), told me that he had always wondered why he had such friends who seemed to be married with their career, and it included me. Career has always been an important aspect of my life, perhaps because it's the one thing that I'm sure I can own and hold on to very tightly in my life. If I am careful and strong in my grip, I'd just have career as the one thing that I am fully satisfied.

Then, another one of my friends, after I poured my heart out about all of the people I know are now married,  asked me a rhetorical question, "So, isn't it now the time for you to settle down and find a wife of your own?" He has a point, but he doesn't know the whole story. I am not trying to makes excuses, but when it comes to finding a life partner, things are more complicated than usual - and I would like to admit that it might be more complicated than an average person's mission in finding a life partner.

What I need to do is figure things out as I venture through life. I just hope when I finally have everything figured out, it's not all too late.

Monday, October 15, 2012

One Extreme Hating Another Extreme

I was reading this news after being shown by one of the professors at my school and I just can't over how many there are idiots who just hate Islam in the name of "no violence", "freedom of speech," or even very specifically, "Islam is terrorism." I get it, terrorism is an unfortunate event and I myself seriously abhor that kind of extreme point making. No matter what religion you are, if you use violence to shove your belief down other people's throat, you are not and should not in any way affiliated with any religion - especially Islam because it is indeed a religion of peace.

The one thing I don't understand is that while these people seem to claim that they hate extremism, they are also on an extreme side, just the opposite. Burning the Holy Quran, making an offensive film about Islam, and the Prophet, insulting Islam on the ground of freedom of speech, drawing cartoons insulting Prophet, all of these are just ways ignorance works. While it is true that some people, no matter what religion they are, can be extremists and use extreme measures to force people to accept their beliefs which is a form of ignorance, but to generalize these people to others who are peace-loving and just plain innocent is another kind of ignorance. So, it's beating ignorance using ignorance, which wouldn't result well.

I am just surprised that after Blacks are finally accepted in the mainstream, and females are now treated as equal and males, and other minority groups who used to be treated unjustly are now progressing towards a new fair and balance modern world, bigotry seems to never pass a group of people who are called "Muslims". Because of an action of a few, Muslims in general are regarded as violent. Don't believe me? Go to websites that collect supposedly funny posts from various people around the world like 9gag and HugeLOL and see how people abuse the privilege of voicing their own opinions.

I just wish this stops someday. It's getting tiring each time...

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The First Step

You probably have heard this advice on procrastination, "take the first step then you'd find yourself following through..." This is my own version of the advice, but you get the idea. This is quite true. Often time when I am back from a holiday or a long trip and return to school/work, I would find myself very difficult to restart my routine and work. When I went to Sabah for 6 days and returned this week, I took 4 days to finally restart the thesis-writing process that I stopped before going there. Usually, in the past, when this happened, I took advantage of the "take the first step" advice and I usually would follow through. Once I took the first step, I found myself feeling guilty if I lived a day without doing even a little of writing. But, now I realize there is a new matter to handle, how do you get to do the first step? Honestly, I can't remember how I did it in the past.

But, one theory says that we keep delaying the inevitable because of our fear about how much to be done and that we might figure out something along the way (Barth, 2011). This makes sense, because when we are triumphed by the feelings that we might not get anything done because there's too much of them, we secretly wish for a miracle. Maybe someone might come in our way and be kind enough to offer help. Maybe in a day or two, we are told by our boss that the work is no longer necessary to be handed in. Maybe that, maybe this. But, you know deep in your heart, it's not true - well, it's more likely than not to the untrue.

Barth outlines several suggestions as to how we can take the first step. First, she says that perhaps our anxieties to take the first step might be warranted after all. Listen to your fears and listen to what your mind is telling you. But if it is something you have to do now, then, ask yourself, what constitutes the 'real' first step in terms of your tasks. For example, for me to start writing my thesis after stopping for a week, opening my laptop might not be a first step, but rather 1/10 of the first step. What I need is to open the document and write the first sentence. I did that and suddenly the motivation to start writing pours in and I find myself writing for 3 pages in 2 hours.

Barth also emphasizes on supports by your family and friends. Of course this is true too. But for me, what is more important is that you know your tasks well and you know what you should do to be able to start. It's understanding your tasks and get familiar and be acquainted with it.


Barth, F. D. (2011). Taking the First Step. Extracted from Psychology Today - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201107/taking-the-first-step