Is It Absolutely Your Choice?

I once heard one of my acquaintances said, "I hate it when people blame the others on what would be their own doing."

He's probably right, but I would say that the statement is equally judgemental and immature as, "Others should be blamed on what happens to us..."

While the latter probably comes from a behaviorist, the former comes from someone who employs humanistic views of life too much. As we learn throughout school, we know that extreme and singular utilization of perspective when analyzing something is not encouraged because life is always complicated and multifaceted. I won't talk about the second statement because we learn about that repeatedly growing up. My focus is the first statement, which can be unfair to many out there who find themselves stuck between individualism and collectivism.

We all know the power we have to choose who we want to be, to do what we want to do, and to act what we desire. This is what humanistic psychology asserts, that individuals have the freewill to choose. But much to our dismay, a lot of what we do are the results of the environmental influences - and often we do not realize it. Let me list down some of the social psychological phenomena that happen to us that can counterargue the extreme emphasis on the power of freewill.

1) Social conformity - When confronted by uniform decision from others, we often change our behavior or attitude to conform to that decision. You hang with five of your friends at a cafe, and you are trying to decide what you want to order for dinner. One friend suggests that you order a combo meal where all six of you can eat together, but you don't want that. You want a single meal where that meal belongs to you, only to you. But the other four friends agree to him and now they look at you to know what your decision is. If you are in the real situation, I would say you are pressured to conform to the decision of others and agree to order the combo meal.

2) Destructive obedience - We all know the power authority has upon us, but do you know to what extent the authority can exercise that power? A study by Stanley Milgram, which findings shocked the world, our obedience to the authority can be as destructive to the point of taking someone's life. What it requires for us to obey blindly is just the sign of authority and the belief that whatever we do, the consequences will be faced by the authority, not us. Now, ain't that something a freewill wouldn't do?

3) Bystander Effect - Kitty Genovese, Wang Yue, Ilan Halimi, and many other unreported cases where these people were dying but none offered help. The most disturbing part is that there were a lot of witnesses in the emergency place but the person was left dying on his or her own. The most famous theory to this phenomenon is that when we are surrounded by a a good number people, we always believe someone would step up and help the person. But it's not always the case, and what usually happens is that everybody thinks that and no one actually helps.

These are just among the famous instances where our freewill almost does not matter. What about the case where a wife who won't leave her abusive husband? Or a bully victim who commits suicide? Or a person who has troubles making friends because he has an emotionally crippled family? These are real cases and we often use the simplest logic, that they choose to do it, to explain why it happens. Our behaviors and actions are always the product of the interplay between our own decision making and the influences by the environment. Perhaps the first the society needs to have is awareness, then real change can happen.