The Not-So-Positive Positive Stress

Tomorrow my sister is getting married and while it should be a happy day, and it is for most part, it is also a day that proves positive stresses can also have backfiring effects on the affected person.

Some academicians categorize stresses as negative or positive stresses. Negative stresses are stresses that result from unfortunate events such as death, divorce, etc. It is reasonable to assume that negative stresses produce strains on our minds and body negatively. Only those with effective coping style could prevent these stresses from negatively affect their psyche and health. Positive stresses, on the other hand, result from events that are desirable - such as weight training, planning a holiday, and getting married. One would assume that positive stresses, while also have strains, produce a lot more good feelings. What do you feel when you are about to be married, for example? It must be good kind of anxiety, and euphoria, right?

Marriages are a universal culture, yet they are experienced very differently across places and ethnicities. Malaysia is a collectivistic country, thus we would be able to expect collectivism to be expressed by people involved in a wedding event. In a collectivistic culture, members are expected to cooperate with the community, to share ideas and exchange opinions among another. It is common for parents to exercise their authority in deciding what shall happen in a wedding of their children. Relatives also get together and sometimes help with decision. But what does this make the bride or the groom in terms of the decision making?

While collectivistism can be measured in a community as a whole, it is acknowledged that different person shows different level of collectivism. Also one individual has both collectivism and individualism expressed in different times and context. But I believe marriages are very personal, despite being in a culture that appreciates cooperation with other community members - therefore, the bride or the groom would be more likely to be more individualistic when it comes to their own wedding event.

This is what happened to my sister, she has to endure with the different angles of opinions, feedback, and even demands from different people. This positive stress has cost her negatively, mostly because she feels like she has lost some control over her decision making ability. We could and would expect this to happen, and I believe it happens in almost every wedding event in a collectivistic culture. So, understanding from both sides would be necessary to ensure smoothness. Coping styles, education on (or simply telling about) privacy, and communication are important components to healthy adjustment.